


Russian to Marry

by chacharla



Category: Vladimir Putin - Fandom, reader insert - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 04:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11096541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chacharla/pseuds/chacharla
Summary: What began as a bet morphed into a joke, which was edited time and time again. This story takes the perspective of you, the reader, and follows the decisions made and conversations had. This specifically follows the relationship between the reader and Putin, from acquaintances to something more.





	Russian to Marry

You smiled at the people you were surrounded by. You were an Animal Caretaker. It may sound silly to be a government job, but it’s surprising how many government workers owned animals. To be an animal caretaker, you mostly needed to watch them, but other animals required special attention. Some need baths, or perhaps brushing their teeth, cutting nails, trimming their hair, and other things. The pay was pretty good, seeing as how the owners had mostly high-paying jobs.

One time, you had gotten the opportunity to take care of the president’s dog. It was a great dog, besides being very hyperactive. The reason  _ you _ were the one to take care of him was because the higher-up animal caretakers were either sick, or out on vacation. You really loved this job, especially because you could bring your (animal) to work.

All of the politicians seemed to like you fairly well. As you recalled, a few of them hit on you, but you blew it off as a joke. A relationship sounded pretty cool, but the media would probably stress you out  _ way _ too much.

In all honestly, the next few weeks are going to be exciting for you. President Vladimir Putin of Russia was coming to America to talk to Obama about many things, and you were going to keep his dog! His dog’s name is Koni, and is a Bulgarian Shepherd. In all honesty, you thought Vladimir Putin was kind of cute, considering his love for dogs, his toned, muscled chest, his manliness, and his communism. Oh, what else could a girl ask for?

Anyways, he was scheduled to arrive at about 12 PM., and it is 9:30 at the very moment. Trying your hardest to research him, you were trying not to get too nervous. Looking at his past, you were a little shocked. Okay, so he wasn’t very confident in English. What were you supposed to do? You don’t speak Russian, and know a handful of words in German. Maybe that would be enough. Perhaps you should work on your German before he gets here. Or maybe Russian… Oh, my god, what are you supposed to do?

It’s 9:45, and you’re learning. You have decided on German, mostly because you are able to learn more of it than Russian in two hours and fifteen minutes. You swore when your phone went off. This was just about the sixth time. You had been ignoring the calls, simply because no one was more important than Vladimir Putin, obviously.

You decided to check to see who was calling. It  _ may _ have been Obama. You  _ may _ have been ignoring the president’s calls. Unknowingly, of course. Taking a sip of water, and then swallowing it, also then breathing, you answered the American president’s call.

“Hello, sir. I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your calls. I was preparing for Putin, sir.” He laughed. “Uh, well, that’s perfectly fine. I actually called you to talk about him. Do you know any German or maybe Russian?” You sighed. “I was actually just on the computer refreshing my memory. I’m not too fluent in either language.” You answered, biting your lip. Obama thought for a moment. “If you want, I can send a German teacher down to your area to help you. Oh, by the way; don’t let Putin intimidate you. He’s just muscle on top of muscle on top of extreme hotness, with a sprinkle of communism.” Was the president giving you advice on boys? You were trying not to laugh at what a weird situation this was. “I gave him a message, and he will be there in about five minutes. You live in the middle of the city to be closer to your job, correct?” He made sure. “Yes, sir. Ease of access for my clients.” President Obama laughed. “You’re too nice. Three minutes now, be ready.”

In all honestly, you weren’t ready. It’s kind of like a state inspection for a nursing home, or some other business, except this was your home. There is a building attached onto your house specifically for the animals. There you would shave them, bathe them, and even paint their nails if that’s what the owner wanted. Honestly, you just loved animals. Well, most of them. Fish kind of annoyed you. They are useless and frequently racist. But anyways, the person would be here in just a few minutes.

With that thought in mind, you sprang to your feet, cleaning off the cluttered surfaces. It can get pretty hectic with all of the animals. It’s not like anyone else was living here besides you. After about two minutes, you looked over your living room and sighed happily. It is done. The look on your face was indescribable. There is a smile filled with all sorts of good things.

Soon enough, your doorbell rang. It went something like  _ dong ding _ . Nervously, the socially awkward person that you are went and opened the door. Behind the door was not what, or whom you expected. You’d have thought the person might have been average-looking but  **_gosh golly_ ** . This person is beautiful. Like, wow, the president must really be looking out for you.

“H-Hello,” you stuttered, “my name is (F/Name)(L/Name).” The linguist smiled. “Well, hello there. My name is Trish.” You smiled and let them in. “Awesome. When do we start?” You asked, setting up the area.

They smiled. “This second. We only have about 30 minutes, but I think that will be enough to refresh your memory.” You nodded. From then on, Trish drilled you. It may have only been 30 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Maybe you are ready to become an ambassador. You laughed at that thought. Maybe you’d date Vladimir Putin. You blushed at that one, seeing as how it was just silly. He was very aesthetically pleasing with the high cheekbones. You couldn’t wait to be his wife, be unequal to him, and be locked away from the public.

“Why is your face so red?” Trish asked you, curious. “Were you thinking about  _ Vlaad _ ?” Your face got as red as a tomato. “I-I was not!” You stuttered, lying very badly. Trish just smirked, knowing. “I’m just nervous, I mean, he’ll be here in just a few moment-” Your doorbell rang. Trish smiled, and you turned as pale as a sheet. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later,  _ Frau! _ ” You knew she was joking, and it was a little funny, but you literally have a man who could see to your death on your doorstep. Not to mention, he was  _ extremely hot _ !

Every now and then, you mentioned thinking he was cute to your friends, and when they would look at you weird, you would just blow it off as a joke. But now is not a joke. He’s really here! Your heart rate sped up as you went to answer the door. “Guten Morgen,  Präsident Putin.” He smiled. “You do not need to speak German,  _ peasant _ .” Your heart was breaking!! Oh, you couldn’t stand this! Oh how it hurt! Why would the president say that to you, of all people??! You are  **_SPECIAL!_ **

Well, he just didn’t know the challenge coming for him. You hope he is prepared. “Y-Yes, sir.” You replied, trying to be as respectful as possible. But then everything changed when his dog walked into the room. “May I have permission to pet your dog?” He laughed at that. Honestly, you were confused. He down at his canine and then at you and back again, laughing all the more. “Yes, you can.” He said once he calmed down. “He is good dog.” You smiled, and reached down to let the dog sniff you. Koni then tackled you, and started licking your face. You couldn’t help but giggle. “Koni is so sweet!” Putin laughed at that. “You like my dog, yes? You take care of him, yes?” He asked, or rather commanded, you.

“You can come in and sit down if that pleases you, sir.” You suggested to the communist. He frowned, saying, “I will come in whenever I like. I will also command you to make the cookies.” He then walked in with his dog, and his people.

“Who is this person?” He asked, pointing to Trish. “I’m Trish, and you suck.” She said, and winked at him. Putin’s workers’ mouths all gaped, for they were surprised that someone actually said something of that sort. Putin smiled, mockingly. “And aren’t you happy that you live in America? You say that in Russia, you are dead. Now, where is my food?” He looked to you with an eyebrow raised. You practically ran into the kitchen.

“Trish!” You yelled, getting her to walk into the kitchen with you. “Yes? I’m here.” They stated the obvious. You rolled your eyes. “I need you to help me make snacks. Do you know how to make food? I can and will also make borscht in respect of Putin. I would like you to make burgers.” Trish nodded and got to work.

About ten minutes later, Putin had been served coffee. It would take ten more minutes for all of the food to be done. While you were making the soup, Obama called. “Hello?” You answered the phone. “Hello, um, I called about Putin. Is he there, uh, yet?” He inquired. You sighed. “Yes, sir, he is here. You know the lady you sent? Trish? Well, she’s here and she did help me refresh my German, but sir, when Putin got here, he said that I should speak English. He is also very hungry… Putin is very critical of me, sir.” Obama  began to sigh and stopped short. “Excuse me? Repeat that, please?” The president seemed to be in shock. “He is hungry, sir.” Obama laughed. “No, Ms. (L/Name), before that, if you, uh, may.” He was chuckling lightly. “Oh, I apologize, President, sir. He said that I wouldn’t have to speak English.” Obama coughed. “Well, that is very… interesting of him to say. Maybe he has been practicing. He has never said that before, not even with myself.” The old man stated.

You thought for a moment. You know, that is weird for the most influential man on Earth to not make yourself speak Russian, or even German. That’s  _ very  _ weird, actually. and now that you were waiting on the borscht and burgers, you could do practically anything. And what you would do is talk to Vladimir Putin, the president and dictator of Russia.

You walked into the living room of your house, and sat down on the couch facing Vladimir. “With all due respect sir, why am I to speak English? I mean, I could speak German, if you would like. I know that you are not too confident in English.” You questioned him. He simply laughed. “Now, do not tell that American president this, but I am completely confident in English. I just love making people do what I need or want. It really is quite lovely to see ten people running around to accommodate me, when just one would do. Now, I have a question to ask you.” You nodded, signaling for him to continue.

“Do you do anything besides watch my dog for me? Bring me coffee?” You smiled, shaking your head. “No, sir. But I do have yet another question. Why me? Like, you could have chosen Obama, for goodness’ sake.” He thought for a moment. “Well, you are taking care of my dog. I would hate for something to have been mistranslated, do you understand what I mean?” It all made sense now. You nodded in understanding. “Yeah, yes sir, I understand what you mean. Yes, that makes a lot of sense, that would be very bad sir.” It was quiet for a while.

He was the first one to speak. “Have you ever been to Russia?” He looked at you. The stare wasn’t quite intimidating, but it made you feel small. “I have not, sir,” you paused for a while, “is it as pretty as I have heard?” He smiled. “Well, I may be a bit biased, but it is very beautiful. More beautiful than America. You should come with me when I go back home.” You figured that was an open invitation. You tried to speak, but your words got all jumbled. “I, uhm, are you okay with that? I mean, going through the airport is a hassle, and all.” He laughed.

“Oh dear, you misunderstand, I am the president of Russia. I have a whole fleet of men at my service. I have a plane to myself, if you understand what I mean.” You nodded, trying to wrap your head around how one man could have so much power. You thought about it for a moment, and then realized it didn’t really matter anyways; it was really hot. “Are you sure I wouldn’t be too annoying?” You asked him. He shook his head in response. “No, I’m sure Russia would love you. So will you come?” You nodded, getting excited. “I would love to, sir.” He nodded and looked to his officer. He spoke very rapidly in Russian, very different from how he speaks English. “Okay, I will leave Koni with you, and I will check on him every day. He has no allergies and can eat all foods.”

Your eyebrows came together. “Uh, you know you don’t have to, sir. You can just pick him up at the end of the week, if you want. But if you’d like, then yes you can. Thank you.” He nodded, and headed towards the door. “Goodbye, then.” And then he was gone.

Vladimir Putin said he would be back the next day. He didn’t come. You didn’t take too much offense, though, because you figured Obama probably was making him stay at the White House, or very close to it. It didn’t matter that much anyways. To be honest, you were a little bored. Ever since Obama told you that you were going to watch Koni, Vladimir’s dog, your schedule was cleared just for him. In the past week, you had been more productive in watching all of Netflix than pretty much most of your life. The only thing that could beat that was when (Movie/TV Show) popped up on Netflix. You considered being a Professional Television Watcher at that point in your life. You may or may not have just made that title up.

But anyways, you had bathed Vladimir’s dog, brushed his hair, trimmed it, and petted him for several hours. Surprisingly, Koni was very calm. After you had finished all of that, you still had quite a few hours left, so you began working on a blanket that you were crocheting. For some reason, you couldn’t focus. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to work on the blanket, you truly did. It was just that your mind was preoccupied with something, or someone. Perhaps it was even Vladimir.

You thought he was a nice guy so far. His dog seemed to like him, at least. If that didn’t say anything, you didn’t know what would. He also seemed to care for his dog. Why were you even thinking about this? You scolded yourself, trying to think about other things.

You checked the clock, and it read 8:30 PM. You still had so much time, so you tried to clean up the place, maybe even organize it. In the back of your mind, you figured you were just trying to get your mind off of Vladimir. It eventually became time to go to bed, and so you walked to your bedroom. For some reason, Koni followed you. You turned on your night light, got in the bed, and turned off the lamp when something huge jumped on you.

“Oof!” The heavy thing knocked the breath out of you, and you were struggling to get more of the glorious chemical humans call oxygen. The figure came over and licked your face with its giant tongue. That’s when you knew it was Koni. The canine came over and nuzzled your side, which was kind of bad considering you were slightly ticklish.

It took you a little while, but you eventually fell asleep. About an hour and a half later, your phone rang. You didn’t really hear it the first time because you were so tired. But after the third time, it increased in volume steadily. You woke up and your heart was racing because of the shock. Immediately answering the phone, the voice on the other side was extremely familiar. It was Barack Obama. However, it sounded like he was injured in some way. His breath was ragged. “Are you okay, sir?” You asked the president. He coughed and cleared his throat. “Sorry about that, ma’am.” He paused for a few moments. 


End file.
